This time last year…

At exactly this time last year I was in Rio de Janeiro sitting under the shadow of Christ the redeemer. What a God moment! A moment of clarity that brought everything in my life into focus. Before and since. Knowing I was loved and protected by my Redeemer. Seeing his wide open arms toward me. God had to take me across the world to show me in 3d because, yes, I am that stupid. Maybe not stupid but I was so blinded by lies of unworthiness and self-rejection that it had to take something big to break those feelings – and you don’t get much bigger than the statue of Christ the Redeemer!!

We don’t often get defining moments but that was definitely one. It helped me understand my past and it gave me focus for my future. That sense of love and protection has never left me. So although tonight I’m not actually in Brazil sitting under the shadow of Christ the Redeemer, I am in Ballymena, Northern Ireland sitting under the shadow of Christ the Redeemer.

Its ok to be broken

Broken vessel of light

I am a vessel of honour created and moulded but the Master Potter and I carry the light of the world inside me. But just like Gideons weapon against the enemy I am only effective when I am empty and broken – a broken vessel of light.

I strive so much to be full and whole but there is power in emptiness and brokeness. The alabaster jar could only fulfill it’s purpose when it was broken and emptied. Only then can I truly let out what You have put inside me.

So break me, Lord. Empty me of all that takes the place of you. And break me so that your light can shine unhindered.

The Comfort of Being Known

I spent time with an old friend today. We talked about old times and new adventures. I came away feeling so nourished and built up. Why? Because I was with someone who knew me. I didn’t have to explain anything. She just got it. It was so easy.

My life has changed dramatically in the past three years and I’ve had make a bunch of new friends and I love them dearly. But it’s hard work. It’s hard work getting to know someone but what’s even harder is getting someone to know you. Letting them in is hard and letting them see the good and the bad and the ugly is awful.

I guess after spending time with my old friend today I realised that none of my new friends really know me yet. Not because I’m hiding it from them or because they don’t care. But we just haven’t shared enough of the journey to merit that comfort of being known. Only time and experience can bring that.

So I’m treasuring my old friends and I’m hanging in there with my new friends so that in 10 years time I’ll be able to have the comfort of being known by them.