This time off has allowed me to see how much of a social person I am and also how ADD I am i.e. I can’t really focus on one thing for a long period of time, I prefer to do short tasks in short bursts of time over and over again. Yet God has given me this gifting of writing and these things seem to be in conflict as writers tend to be quiet, solitary, focused people – everything I am not!! Yet I know that God doesn’t make mistakes.
Then I realized that God has it this way because, never again, does he want me to be defined by my gifting and what I do. He wants who I am to define what I do and how I do it.
I think up until now I have tried to write the way I think a ‘writer’ should write and that has felt uncomfortable. A bit like David wearing Saul’s armour when he was going to fight Goliath – it just didn’t feel right. But that didn’t mean he was the wrong person to defeat Goliath – it just meant he had to fight Goliath his way – the shepherd’s way instead of the soldier’s way.
I have to start writing my way, I’m not quite sure what that is yet but I’ll find it.
So I’ve been a little quiet on here this summer…
That’s because I’ve had an interesting summer, or uninteresting as the case may be. It started off as interesting as I went down to Dublin’s fair city with a team from church to do a week of outreach and community work. We had an amazing week; lives were saved, friends were made and lots of fun was had. Then the week took an interesting turn when, on the last night, I dislocated my right elbow while I was getting out of bed. This meant I had to spend 12 hours in a Dublin hospital being sedated and plastered. Since then life has been rather uninteresting as I have been off work, unable to drive, stuck in the house suffering from not just a dislocated elbow but a touch of cabin fever also.
During this time I have had to learn to live what I write. A few weeks ago I wrote a short blog entitled: “It’s OK to be Broken” and while I believed I was writing the truth at the time, I’ve had to really accept that it is OK to be broken. It’s OK to need help and ask for it. It’s OK for people to see you cry, and to see you weak and vulnerable (and without your make up on and your hair straightened). Max Lucado once said, ‘you will never write better that you live’ so I guess this is a lesson in living well. Any idiot can write/preach/sing blah blah blah but I want to live well for him before I do anything else well for Him or others. This blog does not impress him. He authored the entire universe so who am I to think I come close. But I do think that my living well pleases him so I guess I have to be the best broken person I can be.
I have learned some other things aswell but that’s for another time….